The INFP struggle with insecurity, anxiety

From Smelly Curlew, 10 Years ago, written in Plain Text.

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The INFP struggle with insecurity, anxiety, depression and self-hatred

A lot of the things that I am proud to be, the stuff that makes me feel like I AM someone worth loving, have come out of my struggles with mental illness and emotional pain. Depression, low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, social anxiety, suicidal ideation, and so on, have all been a common experience for me since I was a toddler. Why? I have no idea... Anyone looking from the outside would think that I had every reason to be a happy, healthy kid. But I had a very hard childhood, and I keep feeling like it was something out of my control, something I couldn't choose, as I find more and more INFP's suffer from the same afflictions.

I'm sure there are many good reasons why we all share a struggle with mental illness, but what I want to know is to what extent do you guys suffer, and how has it changed you? Has it made you a stronger person? More empathetic or forgiving of other's faults? Has it made you a miserable person who is bitter with the world? Has it changed you for the better or for the worse? And is it getting any better?

When I hear that some of you are sad and frustrated, feeling at a loss as to how to find happiness in an ever hostile inner world, having a part of you that wants to end it all and be free of your torments... it makes me wish I could reach out and give you the same love and acceptance I was gracefully given when I needed help. When I hear that this is something we all seem to deal with, I don't blame myself or think that there is something wrong with me. I just feel like we have been dealt a very hard hand, and that hopefully it will lead us to look at the entire game in a better way.

To all you wounded healers, I salute your bravery in the face of long-suffering, and I pray that we can all reach joyful, meaningful lives in spite of our troubles. Big hugs to you all, let me know if you go through the same stuff that I do, and if there's any good things coming out of it or if it's making you hate life.

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The INFP struggle with insecurity, anxiety, depression and self-hatred

A lot of the things that I am proud to be, the stuff that makes me feel like I AM someone worth loving, have come out of my struggles with mental illness and emotional pain. Depression, low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, social anxiety, suicidal ideation, and so on, have all been a common experience for me since I was a toddler. Why? I have no idea... Anyone looking from the outside would think that I had every reason to be a happy, healthy kid. But I had a very hard childhood, and I keep feeling like it was something out of my control, something I couldn't choose, as I find more and more INFP's suffer from the same afflictions.

I'm sure there are many good reasons why we all share a struggle with mental illness, but what I want to know is to what extent do you guys suffer, and how has it changed you? Has it made you a stronger person? More empathetic or forgiving of other's faults? Has it made you a miserable person who is bitter with the world? Has it changed you for the better or for the worse? And is it getting any better?

When I hear that some of you are sad and frustrated, feeling at a loss as to how to find happiness in an ever hostile inner world, having a part of you that wants to end it all and be free of your torments... it makes me wish I could reach out and give you the same love and acceptance I was gracefully given when I needed help. When I hear that this is something we all seem to deal with, I don't blame myself or think that there is something wrong with me. I just feel like we have been dealt a very hard hand, and that hopefully it will lead us to look at the entire game in a better way.

To all you wounded healers, I salute your bravery in the face of long-suffering, and I pray that we can all reach joyful, meaningful lives in spite of our troubles. Big hugs to you all, let me know if you go through the same stuff that I do, and if there's any good things coming out of it or if it's making you hate life.

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