1. Ben Kirssen, I am a pedophile.
2. Written May 13, 2015
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4. I am a pedophile. What is it like? That really depends on when you ask me.
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6. At age 15 through 21 I was a very lonely teenager, full of self disgust. I begged god with tears streaming down my face on my bare knees to take this away from me. “I will do anything.” I don’t think he believed me. Since then I stopped believing in him too. Basic problem at this age? There is a lack of information. There were no role models on how my life can turn out as a pedophile. No guidelines on how to have a meaningful and productive life as a pedophile within the boundaries of ethics and law. There is no one you can talk to out of fear of violence and social exclusion.
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8. My twenties were wonderful.  I had come out of the closet to close friends and family, felt confident, did some really cool stuff with my life and found that despite my sexual orientation I can have meaningful friendships both with adults and with boys within my age of attraction (AoA).
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10. My thirties were stressful at the start. Too much work and no boys in my life. Friends and family around me were all creating new families. I really missed being a father. Until this day I miss the word  Dad on a regular basis. But in the second half of my thirties most of the gloom vanished. A wonderful boy of 7 years old walked into my life. He is 22 now and I am a bit like a surrogate father. His girlfriend regularly says to me: we are your children. She has no idea how happy that makes me.
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12. My forties….I am living them as we speak. I still work a lot. It is a good pastime. I notice I make my colleagues very nervous. I am successful at what I do, more successful than most. Partly because I have a bit more time to spend. During holidays they complain about having to go camping with their families. They envy my trips to all the corners of this earth. Simply because I can afford it and have lots of personal freedom on my hands.  Yes I would have loved to been a dad, much like my colleagues. I am not however. That in itself opens up a wide range of different opportunities which I thoroughly enjoy.
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14. I have a few boys in my life. The first special friendship I had with a boy was as a teen. He is also in his 40’s now, married with children and still one of my best friends.  I don’t have romantic relationships with the boys. It is a friendship in which I am the adult and they are the child. I find that they are not into romance at all. Affectionate at times, yes.  Of course I enjoy that a lot. It is beautiful to be hugged, kissed or caressed by the  one you love, no matter their age. I do not have sex. At all.
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16. Urges…everyone is always talking about urges. As if pedophiles are about to explode at any given time. The general myth is that pedophiles eventually will molest if given the opportunity. It is totally false. Pedophiles are normal people with normal norms and values. Trying to figure out how to deal with your awkward  sexual orientation is important however. The ability to speak about it freely, meeting other pedophiles , feeling safe within your social circle is all important.  What can we do? Let’s start by providing solid information, facts not fears, to teen pedophiles. Let’s show them a perspective in life. Being a pedophile is not about abuse. Their life can just be as productive and meaningful as all others. In my personal experience: friendship, giving positive attention, playing sports, helping kids with their homework is very rewarding and fulfilling to do. No sex.
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18. You see, being a pedophile isn’t necessarily a disaster. There are challenges, believe me there are. But being a pedophile is not the same as being some weird dark mentally disturbed awkward person that cannot relate to adults or have a meaningful life. This pedophile for one is usually a happy guy, well off and proud to have a lot of good friends.  Both young and adult.
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20. Did I answer your question?